{"product_id":"professional-overthinker-varsity-anxiety-tee-copy","title":"All Panic No Disco Opossum Tee – Anxiety Shirt | Teekop","description":"\u003carticle class=\"product-description varsity-anxiety-vibe\"\u003e\u003cheader\u003e\n\u003ch1 class=\"product-title\"\u003eAll Panic No Disco Opossum Tee – Anxiety Shirt | Teekop\u003c\/h1\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003eHe saw something. He's not going to talk about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003eThe All Panic No Disco tee features one extremely alert opossum, hand-etched in vintage woodcut style on a lavender badge — permanently mid-panic, permanently unbothered about being mid-panic. This is the opossum graphic tee for people whose social battery ships pre-drained: it announces your status before anyone gets the chance to ask \"are you okay?\" You're fine. The shirt is handling it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003eNo explanations. No disco. Just a soft place to exist.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/header\u003e\n\u003csection class=\"highlights\"\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eProduct Highlights\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe Design:\u003c\/strong\u003e Classic vintage varsity arch typography framing the internet's favorite chaos mascot—thrift-store graphic style.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePremium Canvas:\u003c\/strong\u003e 100% Premium Heavyweight Cotton, pre-shrunk, boxy fit.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMaster-Grade Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e High-definition DTG printing for long-lasting vibrancy.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSignature Teekop Branding:\u003c\/strong\u003e Authentic logo placement for minimalist street credibility.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/section\u003e\n\u003csection class=\"specifications\"\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eSpecifications\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003ctable style=\"width: 100%; border-collapse: collapse; margin-top: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eMaterial\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e100% Heavyweight Cotton\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFit\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003eOversized \/ Boxy Fit\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eVibe\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003eIronic Varsity \/ Meme Culture\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/section\u003e\n\u003cfooter class=\"directors-note\" style=\"margin-top: 25px; padding: 15px; border-left: 4px solid #333; background-color: #f9f9f9;\"\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFor:\u003c\/strong\u003e introverts, the perpetually overstimulated, possum people, anyone fluent in JOMO — and an elite gag gift for the friend who cancels plans with style.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003eOne panicked possum. Zero small talk required. Add the opossum graphic tee to your rotation and let it do the talking.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDirector's Note:\u003c\/strong\u003e Mass production is dead, just like our attention spans. This artifact is sustainably made-to-order in Brighton, CO, minimizing waste while maximizing your street-ready aesthetic. Stop gatekeeping your neuroses and wear them like a badge of honor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/footer\u003e\u003c\/article\u003e","brand":"TeeKop","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":48296820769009,"sku":null,"price":32.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":48296820801777,"sku":null,"price":32.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":48296820834545,"sku":null,"price":32.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":48296820867313,"sku":null,"price":32.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":48296820900081,"sku":null,"price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":48296820932849,"sku":null,"price":34.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":48296820965617,"sku":null,"price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":48296820998385,"sku":null,"price":36.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0792\/1752\/4977\/files\/teekop11626gg4.2_88813427-4d21-45b5-a75e-4c80ed9e425c.png?v=1781172657","url":"https:\/\/teekop.com\/products\/professional-overthinker-varsity-anxiety-tee-copy","provider":"Teekop","version":"1.0","type":"link"}