{"product_id":"the-existential-duck-crisis-artifact","title":"The \"Existential Duck Crisis\" Artifact","description":"\u003carticle class=\"product-description vibe-existential-duck\"\u003e\n\u003cheader\u003e\n\u003ch1 class=\"product-title\"\u003eThe \"Existential Duck Crisis\" Artifact\u003c\/h1\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"tagline\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eFor when the simulation is too confusing to reboot.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/header\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003csection class=\"overview\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe world is a dumpster fire and nobody knows the instructions. This artifact captures the universal mood of being unskilled and unaware with a deliberately raw, outsider-art duck. It’s a made-to-order statement piece for the chronically confused, exclusive to Teekop. We didn't gatekeep this one because everyone deserves a little clarity on their own cluelessness.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/section\u003e\n\u003csection class=\"highlights\"\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eProduct Highlights\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe Design:\u003c\/strong\u003e A crudely rendered, wide-eyed duck illustration in a marker-sketch style, paired with the iconic, bold text \"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON\". It's the visual equivalent of a prolonged blank stare.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePremium Canvas:\u003c\/strong\u003e 100% Premium Heavyweight Cotton, pre-shrunk, boxy, oversized fit.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMaster-Grade Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e High-definition DTG printing for long-lasting vibrancy, keeping the confusion crisp and detailed.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSignature Teekop Branding:\u003c\/strong\u003e Authentic logo placement for minimalist street credibility.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/section\u003e\n\u003csection class=\"specifications\"\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eSpecifications\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003ctable style=\"width: 100%; border-collapse: collapse; margin-top: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eMaterial\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e100% Heavyweight Cotton\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFit\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003eOversized \/ Boxy Fit\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eVibe\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003eExistential Panic \/ Outsider Art \/ Anti-Design\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/section\u003e\n\u003cfooter class=\"directors-note\" style=\"margin-top: 25px; padding: 15px; border-left: 4px solid #333; background-color: #f9f9f9;\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDirector's Note:\u003c\/strong\u003e This artifact isn't a joke; it's a diagnostic tool for modern life. If you get it, you're in. If you don't, you're also in, you just don't know it yet.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/footer\u003e\n\u003c\/article\u003e","brand":"TeeKop","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":48071804354801,"sku":null,"price":32.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":48071804387569,"sku":null,"price":32.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":48071804420337,"sku":null,"price":32.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":48071804453105,"sku":null,"price":32.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":48071804485873,"sku":null,"price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":48071804518641,"sku":null,"price":34.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":48071804551409,"sku":null,"price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":48071804584177,"sku":null,"price":36.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0792\/1752\/4977\/files\/Teekop_Existential_Duck_Crisis_funny_img02.jpg?v=1776932416","url":"https:\/\/teekop.com\/products\/the-existential-duck-crisis-artifact","provider":"Teekop","version":"1.0","type":"link"}