{"product_id":"the-slaying-the-doomscroll-tee","title":"The \"Slaying The Doomscroll\" Tee","description":"\u003carticle class=\"product-description theme-cyber-burnout\"\u003e\n  \u003cheader\u003e\n    \u003ch1 class=\"product-title\"\u003eThe \"Slaying The Doomscroll\" Tee\u003c\/h1\u003e\n    \u003cp class=\"tagline\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eFor when the algorithm is toxic but your fit is immaculate.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n  \u003c\/header\u003e\n  \u003chr\u003e\n  \u003csection class=\"overview\"\u003e\n    \u003cp\u003eWelcome to the digital abyss. The \"Slaying The Doomscroll\" tee captures the exact mood of watching the world burn through a 6-inch screen while being way too exhausted to care. It's a Teekop exclusive, made-to-order artifact for the chronically online who treat dissociation as an extreme sport. Gatekeep your remaining serotonin and wear your burnout loud and proud.\u003c\/p\u003e\n  \u003c\/section\u003e\n  \u003csection class=\"highlights\"\u003e\n    \u003ch2\u003eProduct Highlights\u003c\/h2\u003e\n    \u003cul\u003e\n      \u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe Design:\u003c\/strong\u003e High-contrast neon cyber-graffiti typography framing a clinically depressed pop-art panda. Pure aesthetic apathy.\u003c\/li\u003e\n      \u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePremium Canvas:\u003c\/strong\u003e 100% Premium Heavyweight Cotton, pre-shrunk, boxy fit.\u003c\/li\u003e\n      \u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMaster-Grade Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e High-definition DTG printing for long-lasting vibrancy, even when your social battery is sitting at 1%.\u003c\/li\u003e\n      \u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSignature Teekop Branding:\u003c\/strong\u003e Authentic logo placement for minimalist street credibility.\u003c\/li\u003e\n    \u003c\/ul\u003e\n  \u003c\/section\u003e\n  \u003csection class=\"specifications\"\u003e\n    \u003ch2\u003eSpecifications\u003c\/h2\u003e\n    \u003ctable style=\"width: 100%; border-collapse: collapse; margin-top: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\n      \u003ctbody\u003e\n        \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eMaterial\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e100% Heavyweight Cotton\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n        \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFit\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003eOversized \/ Boxy Fit\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n        \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eVibe\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; border: 1px solid #ddd;\"\u003eCyber-Burnout \/ Irony-Core\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n      \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n    \u003c\/table\u003e\n  \u003c\/section\u003e\n  \u003cfooter class=\"directors-note\" style=\"margin-top: 25px; padding: 15px; border-left: 4px solid #333; background-color: #f9f9f9;\"\u003e\n    \u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDirector's Note:\u003c\/strong\u003e This artifact is strictly made-to-order. Why? Because mass production is a vibe killer and we're trying to save the planet you're currently doomscrolling about. Log off, touch grass, or just keep scrolling—at least you're dressed for the apocalypse.\u003c\/p\u003e\n  \u003c\/footer\u003e\n\u003c\/article\u003e","brand":"TeeKop","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":48071753203953,"sku":null,"price":32.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":48071753236721,"sku":null,"price":32.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":48071753269489,"sku":null,"price":32.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":48071753302257,"sku":null,"price":32.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":48071753335025,"sku":null,"price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":48071753367793,"sku":null,"price":34.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":48071753400561,"sku":null,"price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":48071753433329,"sku":null,"price":36.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0792\/1752\/4977\/files\/Teekop_Slaying_The_Doomscroll_hoobie_img02.jpg?v=1776929475","url":"https:\/\/teekop.com\/products\/the-slaying-the-doomscroll-tee","provider":"Teekop","version":"1.0","type":"link"}